I have a coach. Does that mean there is something wrong?
I was at a business conference and I bumped into my coach. Love her. So it was great to see her. And then I bumped into someone else I knew. And here I am standing in between them, and trying to work out how to introduce them. This is Michael, he works at such and such company, and manages blah blah. And this is Babette, and she is … um…. um… This moment of silence felt like it was lasting forever. And it’s me that’s created the silence.
Because I couldn’t find the right words that I was comfortable with to fill the space. What do I say? Call her my Life Coach, Business Coach, Coach. Hesitation City!!! Business coach sounds good. Should I just go with that? But she is more than that. So I end up saying she is my coach.
Now to be honest who really cares. I know Michael didn’t that much. And of course Babette didn’t. So why did I? It was because I had my own self judgment around what it means to have a coach. Despite having a coach at the time, I still carried an underlying stigma around coaching. That coaching was for people who couldn’t manage their life and needed help. And whether this is true or not, my reluctance to introduce my coach as my coach, came from a place of admitting to myself I needed help. That I couldn’t figure things out on my own. Even just writing this, triggers something in me, despite this incident taking place three years ago.
Which leads me to the question, why are we so afraid to ask for help? I know how much coaching has changed me and my whole life. Through the process there has been things I have learnt about myself that I would never have arrived at on my own. So help is good. And yet I am reluctant to admit it, even when I have first-hand experienced the results.
Irrespective of whether I am comfortable or not to say I need help, this feeling holds a distance second place to going out and getting help. I don’t let my ego call the shots and hold me back from exploring something that could support me in broadening my outlook of life.
And this is one of the fundamental reasons why we started Me AfterWork. To create a space where personal growth/self-development (whatever you want to call it) is more accessible to more people. And that more people can be open to and receive great support. The support that empowers you own your life, where you want to take it, and the courage to go for it.
You can’t climb mountains without a great #supportteam with you.
The day my life changed in a big way
It was early morning. I was in the foyer of Star City, heading into the World Leaders Conference. And to get in, we needed to take the escalator. The most memorable escalator ride of my life. This lady in front was holding onto the side and so I could see her ring… which was so different and so beautiful. I couldn’t not say anything. Something just drove me to this ring.
So we start talking. I like her instantly. She is a woman who knows herself. Is comfortable with herself. Assertive, kind, and super intelligent. While she is talking I think why haven’t I met more women like this in the business world. I didn’t realise up to that point how much I was hungry for more business women role models.
So in the midst of our discussions over the course of the day, she tells me what she does. Competitive Intelligence and Executing Coaching. We talk business talk for a while and then I ask her a question you would ask a coach… I say “ok, if you are coach, answer this for me…. Why is it that Marketing and Sales can never find common ground. That no matter what we do we never agree. It always feels like we are working against each other?”
She turns to be and says. “What do you think this is saying about you?” And just like that I was hooked. She got me so good. I hated it and loved it at the same time. Probably for the reason that I couldn’t answer it right away. I was completely stumped. But I knew that there was a lot of truth in what she was saying. That it was something in me. It had nothing to do with Marketing and Sales. However, at that moment in time I couldn’t work out what that was.
Then I ask her how coaching works? She says come and see me for a coffee. We can talk. If we want to keep working together after that then we will. She hands me her business card. I meet her at a coffee shop a week or so later, and my life has never been the same since then.
What you can expect from a coaching session
This depends on what type of coaching you have signed up for. If it’s an all-encompassing, say like a Life Coach, then I want to have a revelation of some sort during or at the end of each session. Big or small. The professionals call it a ‘Shift’. (If they would be reading this, they would most probably say that I need to experience a shift around wanting a shift! Anyhow, that’s for another blog!!)
I want the feeling of walking out the door and the world looks different to how it looked on the way in.
When I first started with coaching, this wasn’t necessarily the case. I did like the idea of being stretched, but I struggled with the idea around being responsible for every stretch and then the responsibility of this new found awareness.
Mind the French, but I did say to my coach once ‘You have f**ked me!. I can’t go back to playing the ignorance card’. She said, ‘Once you scratch the surface, you most definitely cannot go back. Not so easy to comprehend to begin with, but after time, you see the value of evolving your thinking and how you see the world and life, and as a result, you become a lot more comfortable with stretching and scratching and going deeper.
Still, there are moments when I ask myself what is going on, where am I, what am I saying, who am I. I don’t recognise some parts of me. And whether they were always there and I just blocked them, or whether they have come out now, after changing things up… who knows. What I do know is that is that it’s super intriguing.
So to go back to the question, what do you want to leave a coaching session with – my answer is, I want to leave with knowing myself a little bit better. Through knowing myself better more and more, it brings me to experiencing life in ways I would never of considered or thought possible.
What’s a good coach look like?
Someone that you believe whole heartedly has your best interests at heart. They are able to separate their own stuff from your stuff. They are very good at listening. They remember things you told them. They don’t judge you. You feel completely comfortable to tell them anything and everything. You like them. You respect them. You can feel safe and challenged at the same time. You want to tell everyone you can about them. You want everyone you know to have this experience. You leave wanting to see them again.
How a coach can help you?
Working with a coach will change your life, for the better. If you can relate to one of the following from the list below, it’s definitely worth having an initial conversation with a coach to see how they can help you move forward.
1. You see behavioural patterns – at work, in relationships, in yourself, etc
2. You feel like you are just going through the motions
3. You want to do something, but are afraid
4. Your intimate relationship is not what you want it to be
5. You’re not happy at work
6. You want more from Life, but don’t know where to start
7. You feel bored and or tired, a lot
8. Things that use to be fun, are not anymore
9. You don’t think you are living to your full potential
10. Something has changed in you, but you don’t know what
11. You got the big goal you wanted, but you’re not happy
12. You aspire to other people’s life and not your own
13. You feel like something is holding you back
14. You want more happiness in your life
15. You want more purpose
16. You want more passion
17. You want to increase your confidence and courage
18. You want to have more meaningful relationships
19. You want to widen your circle
20. You are afraid of change
21. You’re stuck in the past
22. You overthink
23. You strive for perfection
24. You have had a big change in your life
25. You are preparing for a big change in your life
26. You want to laugh more
A tree cannot live without water
If you think about nature, the tree, the flower, the grass, it never stops evolving. Like us evolution is innate.
So how do we keep evolving. If you don’t know where to start, start by having a conversation with someone that can separate themselves from you, that doesn’t have any pre-existing thoughts on the person you are, who has the ability to listen and let you talk and talk and talk, and who can ask the perfect questions to provoke thinking in you that opens your mind.
This is a coach.
As much as we love our friends and family. They are not coaches. They can help you, most definitely. But they know you in the light they know you. They are also not experienced or trained in asking questions that would be the best questions to ask you based on what you want to achieve.
Once you experience life with a great coach, guaranteed, life will never be the same.
