Understanding what really matters?
If you want to go back in time spend time with your family, a whole 24hrs straight! It can give you the best read on who you were, who you’ve become and what really matters. You will have a realisation that the who you were person, is still there… beating a louder drum then you thought when you take a moment to step back.
Oxfam 100km walk. My second time doing this. The first time wasn’t with my family. The roles you play with non-family versus family are so different. In a good and not so good way to be honest. With the non-family team, very polite, non-judgemental, supportive, stay together, lean on each other, more open to being the person you have grown into. Overall you stick to the plan and what really matters to achieve the goal at hand. You are more kind to each other, and respectful.
The family team, well… This was a monumental learning opportunity of how easily you can be distracted from what really matters to the little stuff that adds no value to achieving the task. I slipped right back into the younger years. Quick to respond, quick to correct, quick to disagree, quick to not think before vomiting words out of the mouth, quick to pull away. This was the person at the start of the walk. It took about five legs when this started shifting.
Slowly but surely I got to a place where I realised all the little things are irrelevant. You could of, and should of let the banana peel altercation fly by, literally!! and what really matters is the reason why we are all there. Also the realisation that the people you love the most are the people you don’t necessarily treat the best. That it’s easy to slip back into the role of ‘holding your own’ in backyard play, but this isn’t backyard play.
So what are the key learnings that you can apply when you feel like you are getting frustrated with the little things?
Allow yourself to relax.
By closing your eyes and breathing in and out allows you to intentionally shift your focu to what is happening in that present moment. The inhalation of oxygen and elimination of carbon dioxide also creates a relaxation feeling in you body. This puts you in a calm state, allowing you to focus on what really matters.
Be slow to respond.
If you have grown up in a family like mine, by default the loudest one gets the cookie. So by default reacting or jumping in before establishing what really matters in the conversation was normal. By the end of the conversation, words with no meaning have been exchanged and all there is left is anger. Flip the coin, try holding onto your comment and open your ears to listen, and listen with intent, then respond.
Show support and Respect.
We are one people moving to the goal of living the best life. Doing life together and showing respect to one another costs nothing but a smile and polite gesture. What really matters is how we show each other respect and support in their journey.
Be there for the people you love, without judgment, only love.
Accepting that everyone is on their individual journey allows one to realise that your passions and their passions will be different. Yes, there may be some common denominators but what really matters is that you are there to be their support team rather judge their journey based on what you would do. There is no right or wrong but a choice.
Hopefully, these words may do the job and save you the pain of a 27-hour walk through the bush.
